My Psyche

You've Changed!

Yes I did. Indeed, I've changed a lot. I grew older, I might look different. I'm no longer interested in the same old things. I have different approach to life. I sound "weird" to most of the people. So what? The whole universe is changing. I change therefore I'm alive.

Sometimes change can be scary. You never expect what's going to happen in the future, next month, tomorrow, or even the same day and same moment. When you look back and see how many changes have occured through your life, you anticipate that the upcoming changes going to be on the same ryhtm and then start to panic. Like for instance, you keep thinking about those few moments before you heard those bad news, you were so peaceful, everything was OK, and then BANG, comes the shock! Just like right now, I'm so calm and thoughtful, who knows what's going to happen in the very coming moment, who knows how's that day gonna end. Or even worse, who knows where would I be in couple more years, or who knows who's that freak I'm gonna end up living with. And so the thread of thoughts carry on.

But.. do we really need to panic? Is it going to change anything? Evertyhing has already been written for us in a sealed book, no need to bother. But it's just a curiousity; human-kind seem to be curious about the stuff that are veiled to them.

Anyhow, gotta live today as if I'm dying tomorrow. And that's the deal.

posted by Bee @ 2:14 AM 0 comments

Pride NOT= Arrogance

I have pride in myself, and I'm proud of it. I am not arrogant, and I'm sure of it.

Don't blame me for not asking for your help (whether it's tangible or not) when I truly need it, because it's beneath my dignity to ask for it. If you didn't realize it, then I don't think you're the right one to offer help. Ignorance results in false assumptions. Dont assume I'm arrogant, while you're dumb enough to be egocentric.
I will not ask for help, but I will offer it. I will not wait for you, but I'll be there. I will not expect you to pop-up on my door, but I will step at yours every now and then.

Now, that's not arrogance, that's simply pride in oneself.

posted by Bee @ 1:15 AM 0 comments

What a Wonderful Day.... For a change!

Too many boring days have passed by. I decided why not have a break; how about having a wonderful day, just for a change. I didn't have plans for it, but it went as follows.
I woke up early, had to work on stuff that's not-so my type. I had to work on delivering a not-so-good-news to my boss. In the afternoon, I had to do the job of another colleague. I had to deal with an awkward situation that I found myself drowned in. Oh, look who has cancelled an event that we've been waiting for for around 3 months. Oops! I gotta work on that too. Hmmm. At around 8:00pm, I noticed that I skipped lunch, most probably that's the reason I've got a stomache ache. And since I delivered bad news in the morning, had to receive bad news in the evening :) And right now, it's 3:16 in the morning, and I realized -- What a wonderful day I had today!

*By the way, that's not a typical day for me, it's just that I have decided to take a break today!

posted by Bee @ 3:08 AM 2 comments

Angry Wall

Standing infront of this sturdy, uncrackable wall, angry as worse as anger can ever be. I'm knocking it down aggressively with my fists, knees and feet, and I'm hurt. Yet, it's there standing still, not a single crack in it.

No, I'm not insane, yet. It's an imaginary scene that I tend to live when I'm tensed. It sure relieves tons of pressure. I'm not sure what does that scene implement, though. It might be the violent (hidden) part that lies within me. I do not look violent. I wouldn't hurt a living creature, nor a dead one. No, it's not about violence at all. It's about the struggle between me and myself..... Wow, I am one sick person.

posted by Bee @ 12:54 AM 0 comments

Darkness

My new escort. It has been around for quite long. And it doesn't want to go away. Even when I turn on the light, I can still feel the darkness within. I'm becoming sleepless, just to enjoy the bitterness of it. The damn scary darkness is taking over everything.
I haven't seen the bright sun for quite few days now, thanks to the lovely weather in here. But could that be why? I am not as spiritual as I used to be. I can feel the darkness in my heart. Even up in my head. Darkness. Oh Allah, take this darkness away from my heart, I can't bare it anymore.

posted by Bee @ 2:12 AM 1 comments

What's wrong with Tea?

Why are we Egyptians so obsessed with drinking tea? Like first thing in the morning, after a meal, before a meal, before going to bed, after going to bed, and just before waking up! Maybe not that much, but seriously, it doesn't even taste any good.

I'm one of those who really hate the taste, it's so dull. But yet, I can not start my day without it. It adds a boring shade to my day. Interesting.

Okay, gotta go now. Time for my night-cup-of-tea. I wonder if that thing is addicting. Need to research on that.

posted by Bee @ 11:36 PM 0 comments

Attempt #1

Here I am, trying to establish a weblog for myself, not sure if I'm going to keep up with it, or just forget the whole thing by tomorrow...

Not really sure what would that be about, but let's give it a shot....

posted by Bee @ 12:35 AM 2 comments