Time: Too late on a Friday Place: Same old couch Category: End-of-the-week stress Status: Exhausted... Response: Ought to be sleeping Overall appearance: Confused Outer atmosphere: Rising hostility Concern: Want to forget a lot of things Detailed description: Lost in a troublesome world. Day by day, I taste another bitter portion of the wickedness of my dear self. Taming the shrew would take more than my life would give. Solution: Sleep!
I look around, and there's no room to break down. Life gets too busy (and/or demanding) to even break down for a second. And I look around again, who to confide in? No, not an easy question. Each single person is just biased to what his eyes see. People have different perspectives on life and it's issues, that's agreed upon, but whose perspectives and understanding would match your own self's? Simply no one, unless I came from mars or something.
It's scary that I have noticed that I have changed. Now, it's not scary that I have changed, it's only scary that I have realized it.
I find it easy to tolerate people's nonesense, I just ignore them. They are mean, at times, but that's not the end of the world anyway. May be they don't even mean it. Sometimes some people get on your nerves, but so what, they have problems on their own.
But.. why would I tolerate nonesense? If you're having issues, then you're on your own. It's alright to be mean, but only to your own self. If you're socially-idiot, then, mind me, stay away from the public view.
I remember incidents. I remember conversations. I remember scenes. I remember emotions. And I also remember the smell associated with all of that and more! Weird?
I smell french vanilla coffee, and I look everywhere for it, but it's no where around to be found. Then I think again, I smell freshly baked muffins, oh wait, it's not around, it's all in my head!
I have a strong long-term memory. I remember my childhood vividly as if it's a movie running before my eyes. I remember the smell of cake my mum used to bake. I remember the joy that drops into my heart when I go home on Thursday, and look forward to spending the weekend home. I remember the smell of blood when I got hurt. I remember squinting all the time; I didn't like the sun-light. I remember the smell of my parents house. I remember how my heart aches when I get into a fight. I simply remember everything.
But,.. memories hurt me. Good memories gets me nostalgic. And bad memories sicken me. Oh God, sometimes forgetting is just a blessing.
With her, my ground could hardly stand; She strove to get the upper hand; 'Till eight years joined in marriage band; Changed was her life, She did submit to my command, A loving wife!*
I don't know about you, but this is what I simply call arrogance.
Time: 12.17am Place: On the couch, which is covered by books. Weather: Snowing outside, boiling hot from the inside. Status: Puzzled and drowsy.
I have an exam in the early morning, I stare at the books trying to understand, but I just can't do it. Yet, I'm acting as cool as if there's nothing to worry about. Sitting alone and enjoying the sound of silence. Can't wait for tomorrow to complain about my recklessness.
I promised myself that I'll get myself busier with life, so I wouldn't have the time to think. That's why lately I haven't been in touch with my blog. But anyway, it's not working. I feel sick. It's vacation time for everybody around me, but I cut my vacation short and started work. I like the feeling when I'm the only person in the office, I can't spare the tranquility. But I don't like the feeling that everybody else is enjoying a work-free vacation, and I'm the one who needs to get a life :) I'm taking a class, too. How sweet!
So I spend my time between work, class and studying (?), and the rest of the time I go kill myself in the gym. So basically, I don't have time for me. There's no time to think, but yet I do it. I admit, I'm escaping something, but WHAT is it?
Silence talks to me, but I don't understand. But I know that I get mad. Trying to question every word that I hear. Maybe one day it'll come clear. Till then, I'll stay up late, and listen to... the silence within.
